So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
