Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
