doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
