Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
