Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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