I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
high people should be assigned attendants
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
