He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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