I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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