8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
