i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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