I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
