Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
