With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
