Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
