How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
