I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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