Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
