that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
