i think my tv is drunk
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
