ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize