Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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