Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
