It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Randomize
