i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Randomize
