I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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