Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
