Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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