No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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