You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
