I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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