Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The adults are the big ones right?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
