I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize