Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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