My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
