Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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