Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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