Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
