She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
