ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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