so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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