I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
