Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
