Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
