Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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