im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
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A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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