People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
