there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
