u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I die, sorry about rent.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
