Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
