I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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