So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
