There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I will be naked everywhere
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
