There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
