How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
