Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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