Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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