worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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