She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
