I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
