After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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