I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
