Please, let me fuck your mom
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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