I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
