OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
