So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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