he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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