I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
