Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
