I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
