I CAN MOONWALK!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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